Sunday, May 13, 2012

To Mama

I have written about this before, and was going to copy and paste part of my rattle here, but since I couldn't find it without a lot of looking, I decided to rewrite it.
This rattle is a combination of memories, self hypnosis, relaxation therapy and something I use to fall asleep at night.
Yeah..I'll explain.
I have always had this memory in the back of my mind, but it really came to the forefront of my memories when I began to use it as a relaxation technique.
Many years ago when I was going through a terrible bout of depression and was in therapy, my therapist taught me to use happy memories to relax and relieve anxiety.
I have been thinking it about even more so lately when I downloaded one of those white noise apps on my iPhone.
When I combine the wind and rain sounds, I am immediately transported back in time.
This is the house where I grew up and lived until we built a new one when I was about 15. The house faced due east and the front half was ancient logs. It stood until only a few years ago when we tore it down when Mama moved to town.
At the time of my memory, the roof was overlaid with tin, there were large hedges closing in either end of the porch with tall Nandinas and other flowering hedges around the front.  It was quite cozy and welcoming. 
There was only one window one the front of the porch which was located on the far left on the area of the kitchen.
If it started to rain, I would go to the old chifforobe and pull out two ancient ragged quilts, take them out to the front porch and choose my place to snuggle down. 
My place of choice was usually right in front of that one window, I could hear Mama puttering around in the kitchen which was very comforting to hear.
Depending on how hard the wind was blowing and how hard the rain was falling was how close I would get to the edge.  I wanted to be able to feel that gentle mist that the rain drops kicked up, but I didn't want to get wet.  I would then place the most ragged blanket on the porch, carefully folded so that I could slip in the center of it like an envelope.
Daddy had bought Mama 2 rockers and a settee many years before for their anniversary and I would take the settee, turn it over with the rockers facing outward.  I would then place the quilt over the entire settee to make a nice little cosy place.  I would crawl in there with a book or a magazine and the cat if I could catch her and coax her to stay in there with me.
I would read, listen to the wind and rain on the tin roof, pet the cat and periodically lift up a flap of the quilt to check on how far into the edges of the porch the wind had blown the rain.  Sometimes when it was raining particularly hard I would have to move to the center of the porch.
When I think about it now, it's not only the sounds, that I remember but the insulation that was so pleasing and comforting. 
I was insulated by layers.  The first layer was the rain, the second layer the hedges, the third the porch itself, then the next layer was the quilt, next the settee and with my back to those ancient logs that had sheltered my great great grandparents I was in a cocoon of safety and peace.
But the main thing was Mama, she was at my back always within earshot.  I could hear her puttering around in that kitchen but most of all...she could hear me if I needed her.
Happy Mother's Day in Heaven Mary Emily Box Jacks.


DollZandThingZ said...

That was lovely. I always enjoy your photos and your reminiscences. A sweet remembrance on Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to you!

Sketching with Dogs said...

What a great idea. I have a rain cd and love to listen to it. That house is fascinating, I love the way it is made out of logs. It sounds like it was your and the cat's cozy little den.
Lynne x said...

I would love to curl up on that porch right now. What a wonderful memory.